you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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