I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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