Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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