easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
