I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
