If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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