; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
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As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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