yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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