I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
