so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
