i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
