dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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