You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I know her cup size but not her name....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
