that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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