think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
