Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
