I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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