i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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