We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
