Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
