thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just gift wrapped bread.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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