her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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