Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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