therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
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nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
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You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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