Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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