This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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