I accidentally had phone sex last night
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
