I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was born a porn star she said
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
