did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
