Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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