I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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