life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
