Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
