she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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