sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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