pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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