I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
