I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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