Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
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I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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