Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
