3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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