Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
