I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
