I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
