if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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