The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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