i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Randomize
