my room smells like sperm. sweet.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
