foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
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All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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