She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
