don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
