Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
