I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
