Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
