census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize