I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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