genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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