What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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