i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so let's talk penis.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
