So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
