Please, let me fuck your mom
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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