even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
