I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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