using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
