I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
