so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
