I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
