Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
