Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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