so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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