whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
