the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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