so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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