Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
