Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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