Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
