He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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