i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
