I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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