i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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