Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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