My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have aggressive nipples.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
