not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
